Bite Sized
by Kayka
Summary: "He's adorable, y'know, in a homicidal maniac kind of way." Unrelated, stand alone drabbles featuring Sabretooth and shenanigans. Also home to tiny post-"Stuck in the Middle with You" ficlets.
1. Newsflash

**A/N:** For the most part, these will be unrelated drabbles with Victor Creed as the focus. They're mostly bits and pieces that don't fit into my other stories. (However, this first one can fit into the same universe as "The Kitty and the Bomb", if so desired.)

* * *

 **Newsflash**

* * *

Sabretooth felt the tell-tale vibration issue from his chest pocket. Damn kid always had the best sort of timing.

Letting the limp body drop with a thud, he flicked the blood off his claws and drew out the dumb phone Laura had conned him into buying just so she could irritate him twenty-four, seven.

One new message from guess who.

Victor rapped a knuckle against the screen, until it showed the screenshot of a mock headline, and a tiny gray cat staring ahead, attentively. His eyes flitted up to take in the words.

"Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day."

Victor grinned, despite himself.


	2. Adorable

**A/N:** This one is "Stuck in the Middle with You"-verse.

* * *

 **Adorable**

* * *

"Spill, chica."

She hadn't been avoiding Jubilee in much the same way she hadn't been avoiding Victor several days earlier. Marie knew she'd be ambushed sooner or later.

"S'Cuse me?"

"The _beans_. When am I going to be an auntie?"

Rogue choked on her water.

"I- _what_?"

"You two aren't exactly quiet, y'know? And-"

"Oh my God!" Marie slunk further down in her chair.

Jubilee continued on, blithely ignoring her friend's embarrassment.

"He's got the whole bad-boy danger thing going on, and that voice makes girl wanna cream her-"

Sometimes she really wished Jubilation Lee had a brain to mouth filter.

"But anyway, I saw him playing with Blink the other day. It was adorable. And you two are _so_ cute-"

"I ain't fuckin' _cute_." A new voice rumbled behind her.

"Sure you are," Jubilee popped a bubble and waved a hand dismissively, unperturbed by a new growl coming from Victor. "Y'know, in a homicidal maniac kind of way."


	3. Deaded Ball Z

**A/N:** Loosely follows continuity from Deadpool #10 (Deadpool vs. Sabretooth arc), but it's not strictly necessary to read that... some familiarity with Dragon Ball Z memes is necessary, however.

* * *

 **Deaded Ball Z**

* * *

 _This isn't even my final form, Creed!_

* * *

"What's your final form, then?"

Victor regretted the question as soon as it spilled out of his big fat mouth.

Deadpool paused in his maniacal diatribe, the eyes of his mask widening comically. Victor tugged at the bonds that held him stretched uncomfortably between a tree and a semi. Times like these, he rued ever growing a conscience.

"You… You. _Don't know the reference_."

Victor didn't need to see the man's face to know that he was in for a world of pain if he did not get free soon. And not the physical kind, neither.

"Forget I asked, 'n get back to killin' me," Victor groused.

"But you're the Vegeta to my Goku! The Dodoria to my Zarbon! The Buu to my Uub! I can't kill you until you _appreciate_ the _reference_!"

"I don't understand _half_ the shit that comes out of your mouth, Wade. Just drop it."

The lunatic ignored him, dead set on Victor being enlightened about some shitty cartoon.

"Got it on my phone! OVER 9000 MINUTES OF _DELIGHT_."

Victor struggled more vigorously, but it'd take him a while to get loose with the way he was strung up. _Damn me, and my good intentions. Should'a listened to Magneto._

"Ain't there at least an abridged version or some shit?"

"Don't worry," Wade assured, "Were watching that once we finish this."

Victor definitely did not whimper.


	4. Fluster

**A/N:** Another short from the Stuck!verse.

* * *

 **Fluster**

* * *

Victor was on the verge of ripping out his hair.

He never _lost_ anything. Not until he came here, at least. And _here, now_ , his truck keys were gone.

When he caught the little shit that had been ballsy enough to steal from him, there would be hell to pay.

 _Damned teenagers._

"What's missin'?" Marie asked, looking up from her book.

"Who said anything was missing?"

"Victor, I've been living here for going on seven years, I _know_ that look."

"Keys," he grumbled.

Marie couldn't hide the quick downturn of her lips. She understood though, and he'd deal with her later. But for now, it was a moot point because he and James weren't going any-damn-where without his truck. And like hell he'd let the runt drive unless he had a death wish.

"Huh. Be right back."

Five minutes later, Rogue strolled back through the door, plunking the wayward keys in his lap.

"Where the hell were they?"

"Hank's lab coat pocket."

 _Hank?_ He didn't even scent the fur ball any-

"It's Blink's favorite hiding place. She didn't want you to leave."


	5. Obstacles

**A/N:** Stuck!verse.

* * *

 **Obstacles**

* * *

The scene wasn't the strangest thing Logan had ever seen; it didn't even rank in his top ten. But with it being Victor, he felt compelled to investigate.

His brother did some weird shit, but there was always some kind of messed up reasoning behind it. At least this looked to be fairly harmless.

Victor lie flat on the back lawn, arms pillowing his head, like a cat stretched out for an afternoon nap.

That wasn't the strange part.

Pink and purple plates and cups were strewn all over him and littered the yard around the man in a ten-foot radius.

"You got somethin' to say, runt?"

"Nice tea party you got going on here. You get taken down by a- oof!"

A cannonball ricocheted off Logan's chest.

Victor cracked an eye and snorted.

The cannonball turned out to be a toddler that caught him off guard enough to send him sprawling flat on his ass.

"I'm making a obsta-cup course!" Blink screamed happily before disappearing into a tiny portal and reappearing, dancing gleefully on various plates.

"Training," Victor elucidated. "Best to start early."


End file.
